


Eager to Live

by Slytherclaw2005



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Amputation, Angst, Bellamy is still dead, Cook John Murphy, Dad John Murphy, Earthkru, Echo is Ash, F/F, F/M, For a bit anyways, Hurt/Comfort, Indra adopts Murphy, Insecurity, John Murphy's mom was abusive, M/M, Memori kids, Murphy roasting the beings of light, Murphy-centric, POV John Murphy (The 100), Pan John Murphy, Post-season 7, Pregnancy, Raven and Murphy are basically siblings at this point, Sad Clarke, Slice of Life, They can still have kids because screw it, They get peace, Uncle Murphy, Wedding, past Bellamy Blake/John Murphy, spacekru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26823811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slytherclaw2005/pseuds/Slytherclaw2005
Summary: Post-Season 7 FinaleThey're back on Earth, for real this time, and for once there is no fighting, no pain, just them. What now though? The obvious answer is marry the love of his life and have a shit ton of kids. Nothing can ever be easy for them right? Not even paradise.John Murphy transcends, and comes back because those Light Hoes are bitches. Everything stays the same about the finale except that they can reproduce and rebuild humanity.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & John Murphy, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Eric Jackson/Nathan Miller, Hope Diyoza/Echo, John Murphy & Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake/Levitt
Comments: 43
Kudos: 73





	1. Transcendence is a bitch

To be honest, John Murphy didn’t find it hard to believe that right now, he was sitting in bed with the love of his life in her mindspace due to a mind drive that he put in his own head after her dying. Nope that was a perfectly normal statement.

It’s not like Murphy didn’t live in a world where an A.I. dropped bombs on Earth, causing his ancestors to go to space. 

It’s not like he didn’t live in a world where people were floated for the simplest of charges, even stealing medicine to save a sick child. 

It’s not like he didn’t live in a world where he landed on the ground, only to be almost immediately strung up for something he didn’t do.

It’s not like he didn’t live in a world where he helped fight the same A.I. that took over people’s minds by pumping his own rapist’s heart.

It’s not like he didn’t live in a world where his friend’s adult son woke him up after over a hundred years of cryosleep to a moon that had carnivorous bugs and psychosis inducing eclipses, and then become “immortal” and being seen as a God on that same moon.

It’s not like he didn’t live in a world where the same person that murdered his own father could become something of a hero (at least that was Raven and Emori’s words, he wasn’t entirely convinced.)

It’s not like he didn’t live in a world where a child who was told they were incapable of love would end up putting his own fiance’s minddrive in his head in order to spend a few more hours with the love of his life.

Nope it was perfectly normal.

Emori was staring up at him, love and admiration in her eyes while still holding pain. Pain of knowing that her death would lead to his own. Despite all his reassurances, she still didn’t seem to believe that she was worth more than anything to him. More than life. 

It’s not that Murphy was eager to die. He was always, first and foremost, a survivor. But, as he had come to realize, what was the point of surviving if you had nothing to live for? Emori had shown him what it was like to live, and without her he couldn’t see a point to living. So no, Murphy wasn’t eager to die, but he couldn’t live in a world without Emori.

The moment her heart finally flatlined, Murphy felt a part of him die. At that moment, he finally understood his mother. Understood how she went from a glowing, radiant person to a shell of herself when her dad died. He understood why she took her ire out on him, because at that moment he was ready to murder those responsible for Emori’s death.

For him it was simple. Emori was his life. And immortality paled in comparison to that.

“I love you, you know that right?” He said as he leaned closer to Emori, taking in her whole face as she looked him in the eyes, smiling.

“I know.” 

He smiled back at her, leaning in to kiss her when she started glowing.

Glowing?

Well then, he’s seen weirder.

As she looked at him, he could tell that the same was happening to him. A feeling coming over him of complete peace. Peace? Huh, guess miracles do happen.

But what was happening? Was this death? Was he dying? Were they dying?

Is this how his father felt when he was floated?

How his mother felt as she choked?

How Bellamy felt when Clarke killed him?

Or did they do it? 

Did Raven or Clarke or whoever pass Cadogan’s stupid test?

He stared back at Emori, seeing peace overwhelm her as she relaxed into him.

“Oh now that’s cool.” He quipped, knowing that whatever it was. They would face it together.

They floated away, becoming what he was sure Bellamy would believe to be “beings of light.”

_________________________________________________________________

He kept floating. Going up towards something he couldn’t fully comprehend (then again he didn’t comprehend a lot.) As he went up he could feel Emori with him. Feel her. As he went up he could feel being joined by two others. Close together and as in love as he and Emori were (probably not as in love, nobody could be as in love as they were.) He couldn’t see them, not really anyway, but he could tell that it was Jackson and Miller.

Jackson and Miller?

Guess he and Emori weren’t dead.

That or everybody died.

More joined them. He could feel Jeremiah, his son, Madi’s friend Luca, other believers, convicts, and Wonkru that must have stayed behind when Raven took them to help their friends.

Raven took them?

How did he know that?

How did he know that as he rose, Raven and Echo and Octavia and so many others were joining them?

How did he know that every human, although he wasn’t sure if he was that anymore, was feeling as he was?

How did he know that, as he rose, only one human stayed?

He couldn’t remember really being given a choice, but he knew. He knew that he didn’t have to stay there. He could go back. He could live out his life with Emori if she chose to join him, and she would, he knew that too. 

He felt someone leave. Raven. Of course it was Raven. Of course she would be the first to find a way out, not wanting the knowledge and immortality that being whatever the hell they were had to offer.

Octavia left.

So did some other guy. A disciple he thinks? That loved Octavia.

Jackson and Miller left.

Gaia left.

Indra left.

Jordan left.

Hope left.

Niylah left.

Echo left.

He could feel Emori waiting for him, just as he did her. They could be immortal if they stayed. He knew that. He knew that whatever they were would never die.

But he also knew this wasn’t living.

He and Emori, together as they hoped to everything else, left.

Coming back to Earth. 

Back home.

Because John Murphy wasn’t eager to die. He was eager to live.


	2. Why the hell is a dog here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke comes back. Basically Murphy's thoughts at the end of Season 7.

It didn’t take them long to set up shelter. To ensure that they could survive again.

Miller, Echo, and Niylah worked to build forts. 

Forts.

Cause they were back on Earth and could do that again.

Coming back to Earth hadn’t been much of an adjustment, none of this had really.

Leaving the ball of light or whatever the crap it was ended up being pretty simple.

Coming back meant that they all healed from any damage they held prior to them “transcending” or whatever. Emori was alive, healthy. As was Echo and Levitt, Octavia’s boyfriend, who had been shot by the war between those from Sanctum and the Disciples. Raven’s leg was still screwed up, courtesy of yours truly, since apparently the light people could only fix open wounds or whatever, or maybe because Raven has accepted the injury as part of her? Something like that.

It also meant they all got clothes. Because apparently ultimate light beings care about keeping their “underlings” completely clothed in their return to humanity. Not that Murphy cared much, waking up on a beach naked with Emori would have been pretty hot. Where did these clothes even come from? Cause they certainly weren’t the ones everyone was last wearing. Not that he was complaining, his jacket was fucking awesome! A jacket that he hadn’t worn since he landed in Sanctum. Did the light hoes know what his favorite clothes were? How the hell did that work?

Raven had said that coming back was supposed to mean that none of them could ever return to the light place or whatever, but honestly Murphy didn’t give a crap about that, and she was somehow able to ensure that the human race could start again, but they couldn’t use the stones, which he thought was honestly better off since those stones are the most fucking weird things he has ever encountered. 

Basically the lightians just dumped them off on Earth, said “See ya suckers! Don’t ever come back!” and screwed off. Which was fine with him because the Light Bois could choke for all he cared. Could they choke? Fuck, this is when having universal knowledge would come in handy!

This was peace though. Echo and Emori were chilling on the side, doing God knows what. Octavia and Levitt, along with Jordan and Hope were relaxing in the presence of one another. Gaia and Indra were somewhere. Some of them, read: Miller, Jackson, and Niylah, had started to prepare for dinner tonight, which of course he was cooking because apparently he was actually good at something other than screwing the world up. He was going to start helping with the fire, when a dog came out of nowhere, chasing a bird.

What?

A dog?

Honestly nothing could surprise him anymore. The dog, the same one from Sanctum he believed, stopped chasing the damn bird and walked over to the camp. Murphy went down to pet it because fuck it, he had a cool rep to maintain back on Sanctum but now it didn’t really matter when they were last humans in the universe. So yeah he petted Picasso, because why the fuck not.

It was then when he noticed motion coming from further away, looking there as he threw a stick for Picasso to run and catch. He saw a blonde over there, staring at the group with an amazed expression on her face. Clarke?

Of course she would find a way back.

Because screw almighty beings.

He called the group over, and he and Raven ran to her. Raven, pulling her into a hug before Clarke did the same with him. This was odd. Did they hug? Was hugging a thing now?

Who gave a crap, because now everyone was here now.

Everyone alive that they cared about, except Madi because she thought it better to stay in the real “City of Light” with Luca and the others, than go to this camp that would likely become a full-fledged sex camp at the rate things were going. He wouldn’t doom a child, especially one as amazing as Madi, to a world where she never truly gets to be around others she can be with, ones her own age.

This was peace.

And he was wrong when he said that pain, hate, and envy were the ABCs of him. He knew that now, because he couldn’t feel any of them and he had never felt better.

And god, wasn’t that a sight?


	3. One proposal isn't enough for some cockroaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncle Murphy enlists the help of Baby Green because he is such a goddamn romantic.

It had been a few months since they truly returned to Earth. A few months since Clarke joined them on the shore, uniting all of those from their past that were still alive. All of their family.

In all honesty, it had been a great few months. They finished building shelter and had rummaged through the now old and desolate Arkadia for materials, wishing Jaha could see them tear that place apart. They stayed by the shore though, all agreeing that they would rather create a new home for new memories rather than dwell on old ones. Murphy had to agree. The ark? His parents were killed there. Dropship? Bellamy hung him. Desert? Well, he did meet Emori there, but it wasn’t a survivor's move, much less someone who wants to live’s move. Also apparently Clarke had some not so fond memories of that place, if he had the guess based on the way she immediately vetoed it. Jackson and Miller weren’t down for that one either. ALIE’s place? Emori almost died there, Clarke almost died there, Raven almost died there, he almost died there. 

So they set up base on the shore. Creating enough shelter for everyone to have a single roommate, which was great for him and Emori, although people did seem to not understand what it means to have a door locked! Damn you Raven! So Jackson and Miller shared a fort, big surprise there. Raven and Echo. Jordan and Levitt. Hope and Octavia. Niylah and Clarke. Gaia and Indra.

With their new lives, they divided up jobs, and it was honestly a relief to not have anyone guard their homestead, considering they were the last humans left.

Emori and Raven continued to tinker and build god knows what with the parts they were able to salvage from Arkadia, including working to rebuild a one-hundred year old rover.

Miller, Indra, and Echo were the hunting party, as they all had the most experience with both guarding and using weaponry in the long run, and were able to gather quite a lot from the forests, considering nobody had been there to disrupt their lives for a hundred years.

Octavia and Hope, shockingly, became the ones in charge of bringing in fish from the sea since they had the most swimming and fishing experience from their years spent on Skyring (whatever the hell that is.)

Jordan and Levitt worked to gather edible plants and shit for them to eat, since apparently eating fish and rabbit isn’t a very filling diet.

Clarke, Niylah, and Jackson became the ones to organize the supplies and ensured that the medical center, where Jackson and Clarke would likely spend their time when things calmed down, was stocked enough with herbs, gauze, and whatever else doctors need.

And Murphy?

Murphy became the cook.

After a few weeks of him cooking, everyone else seemed to have unanimously agreed that he take over preparing meals, since he was the only one that could actually make them taste good and vaguely edible. They all agreed that it was a nice change from being forced to eat protein powder, algae, and the human flesh balls that Wonkru had to eat. And Murphy had shockingly gotten even better at it, even without the aid of a cookbook or practice.

Jesus, if this had been seven, or I guess a hundred something, years ago nobody would let him near a dish for fear he would poison it.

That was another nice thing. Trust.

They all seemed to have become close enough that nobody had to worry about someone else stabbing them in the middle of the night or drowning them or hanging them. 

They were all a family now, and Murphy wanted more than anything to make at least part of it official.  
_________________________________  
Murphy had proposed to Emori with the mind drives, a promise for immortality. But now? Now the mind drives were gone. At least, he thought they were, they didn’t both wake up in Murphy’s head he knows that at least Emori’s moved. Immortality was out of the question. And in all honesty. John couldn’t bring himself to care.

He and Emori were together, and that was better than any offer that immortality could give him, not if it meant abandoning their new found family.

So yeah, the mind drives were either gone or had lost their importance.

So of course, he, being the romantic he was (not that he would ever admit it,) had to come up with a new way to show his endless love.

So he enlisted the help of his favorite nephew.

A bit after he had cleaned off the cooking area, he wandered over to where Jordan and Hope were, having both taken a break from their jobs to “hang out.”

“Hey Jordan?” He called, cutting off their quite intimate make-out session, with, he wouldn’t lie, a shit eating grin (hey it’s payback for all the times everyone interrupted Emori and him.)

Jordan rolled over to face him, Hope looking at him with an annoyed look on her face, well I guess we know she’s Diyoza’s daughter.

“What’s up Murphy?” Jordan said, face on of complete kindness and calmness, causing Murphy to once again see the pictures of his old, dead friends in their adult son’s face.

“I need to borrow you man for a second Mini D.”

“Don’t call me that Johnny-Boy!”

“Hurtful! And here I was thinking I was your favorite!” He called behind his shoulder to Hope as he walked off into the edge of camp, near the forest, with Jordan in tow. He thought he saw Hope flip him off, which damn if she did he had to complement Octavia on her parenting skills.

“Murphy? What’s up?” Jordan looked worried. Actually that kinda made sense, he had only actively talked to Jordan alone about something non-life-threatening a handful of times, or maybe it was just the Monty genes.

“I need your help man”

“What? What’s going on?

“Emori”

“Emori? Oh my god are you two..” Murphy cut him off before he went any further. No, they were not pregnant, he could only imagine how messed up the kid would be to have him a father.

“No, shit dude I need your help making a ring.”

“A ring? Why?”

“Jesus, I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

“You need a ring for that?”

“Old Earth custom, my parents did it, thought it would be nice, whatever! Can you help me?”

Jordan actually looked shocked, Murphy understands why, he had never been much of one for commitment, he couldn’t stay committed to one side, one plan, one problem long enough for anything to stick, except for Emori. Always except for Emori.

“Oh uh yeah, I can.”

“Perfect!”

“Wood or metal?”

“Huh?”

“What do you want it made out of, wood or metal?”

“Wood if you can, I saw some of the carvings you were doing earlier and I was thinking…”

And they planned, they organized a way to get Emori’s ring size without her noticing. They planned for a way for Jordan to get the wood he needed for the project, since he needed something smooth and easy to use to carve intricate designs. They planned out exactly how the ring would look, and how long it would take Jordan to finish it. Five days he said. Five days.

Murphy could hardly wait.  
_________________________________  
Five days can seem like a millennium when it wants to.

Murphy doesn’t think he has ever felt time move slower, not when he was stuck in the bunker, not when he was getting tortured one of the million times he did, not even when the world froze and he got lifted into the air by those goddamn light beams.

Jordan finally finished though.

Thank god, if he had to wait one more day he may burn someone’s cabin down, maybe Miller’s since he’s been especially annoying lately.

It was exactly what he requested, and he probably thanked Jordan a thousand times once he saw it. It was a deep brown band, smoothed out with intricate carvings along it that matched Emori’s tattoo to a T and, in the center of the carvings in the band, there was a hollowed out area with a single pearl, that he found as when he, Emori, and Raven went swimming for a bit, keeping it as secret ever since, in it, he doesn’t even want to know how Jordan accomplished that. His favorite part though, was the carving on the inside of the ring, where it clearly says the words “Forever.”

Murphy was never known to be a very patient person, so of course the day after he got the ring he asked her.

This time it was like he imagined. A nice walk on the beach during sunset, and they had a complete view of their new home. They had been walking for a bit when Murphy stopped, the sun hitting the horizon at a perfect point, creating an amazing blend of oranges, pinks, and yellow, the water coming in with slow waves. This was the moment he knew, and he turned towards her.

“Emori?”

“John?” She said, the confusion on her face quickly turning into a brilliant smile as he pulled her into a dance. Humming and swaying to the same song that played in her Mind Space. 

“What’s going on?”

“What? I can’t just be happy with my girl?”

“John.” She sighed, getting a bit annoyed at the boy’s deflection, she loved him when he did this though, he knew that, she just liked to act annoyed because there had to be an adult in their relationship.

“Emori, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I know I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted forever, or that you were the most important person in the world to me, and I can’t spend one more second with asking you to be with me forever.”

“John, we already..” Emori started, confused and beaming at the same time, because honestly who could hear these words enough.

“Emori, will you marry me? I know we are already technically engaged and whatnot but I had to ask and I was thinking-”

John was cut off by Emori suddenly pulling him into a kiss, and as she did so he pulled the ring out of his jacket pocket, the same jacket he landed there with, and held it up to her.

She stopped when he did that, pulling away slightly while still in his arms and looked at the ring, slowly grasping it and detecting every detail about it as she rotated it in her hand, rolling her thumb around the pearl before taking a looking on the inside and smiling.

This was what he had dreamed of happening.

Because of her left hand and it’s limited motion, he took the ring and placed it on her right ring finger, the very one he measured five days ago when she was sleeping.

She looked at her hand briefly before pulling him back into a kiss.

“Of course, you know you are the most important person in the universe to me too.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

And that was that.


	4. Murphamy happened in season 1 (fight me on this)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Earthkru finds out about Memori's engagement, and Clarke is still sad.

They agreed to get married in a week.

Now, Murphy knows that generally people take a bit longer with their engagement, on the Ark it was to make sure they wanted to spend the rest of their life with that person. But he and Emori both knew the truth.

There was nobody else they would rather be with.

Because, as they both had said countless times, their love was forever.

Murphy had heard about ceremonies that they had prior to Praimfaya I and the festivals that grounders hosted on the ground. But he and Emori didn’t really have any experience with that. On the Ark, marriage was a legal thing. They would sign documents and then the couple and maybe some friends would celebrate afterwards. Emori, on the other hand, never got to experience a Bonding Festival on the ground nor a post-ceremony party on the Ark.

So they, like they did with everything else, made their own rules.

They were the last humans on the world, the first to get married in their new world. They got to decide how they wanted to do this.

The night after he proposed, they did talk about what they wanted to do. Did they want it to be a quiet thing or bring everyone in? Invite everyone they decided, because despite the fact that they were always JohnAndEmori, they had a whole family now and wanted to celebrate it. What customs did they want to follow? A mix of all of them. Some from the Ark, some John knew prior to Praimfaya, some that Indra, Echo (shit sorry, Ash, as they recently found out, as she told the remainder of their dubbed Spacekru a few days ago), and Niylah remembered from Trikru and Azgeda, and some customs Gaia had from her knowledge as a Flaimkepa. 

Murphy had talked to her about the basic ceremony that couples had prior to the end of the world, his father had told him stories about weddings before his death, trying to give his son an idea of how the world was before they had to fight for their lives. Before life was only about surviving. 

They agreed to have a ceremony with Clarke, because who else, as the one to marry them, and the second Murphy told Emori what a best man was, she instantly nominated Raven, both agreeing to Ash as the maid of honor. Because they would never forget their first family. First time they both felt loved and needed after living on the ground.

They stayed up for a while talking, Murphy loving how eager Emori was to plan something like this, it being very reminiscent of her days as Kaylee Prime. When they finally did go to bed, they remained close, cuddling up next to each other with their hands together, so both of them could feel the ring John had put on her finger only hours before. 

____________  
Murphy had to wake up a bit early, as he did every morning, in order to prepare breakfast for the group, and as much as he did love cooking this was really pushing it. He dragged himself out of bed, putting on a shirt because apparently Raven was getting tired of seeing his nipples, and gave Emori a kiss on her forehead before leaving to work.

He went to his small cooking area, with a fireplace and a small table to prepare meals. Jordan had miraculously found a way to preserve food for a bit, so he was able to get out eggs, because chickens now roamed free and Clarke knew how to use them, berries that Levitt and Jordan had picked up yesterday, and some clams that Octavia had found recently.

From there he prepared a large batch of scrambled eggs over a pan on the fireplace, flipping and mixing them as he went, before setting up a few bowls of fruit for people to pick at, and steaming clams over the fire when he was done, since apparently some people were getting sick of eating eggs so often, honestly though it wasn’t like he had much to work with.

By the time he was done, a large portion of their group was awake, Ash and Octavia being awake way before he was and going off to practice fighting, not like they needed it, with Levitt being somewhere nearby to cheer his girl on, Jordan and Raven discussing possible fixed for the rover with Niylah nearby, Clarke sketching in the shade as she often did when she could find quiet, and Gaia praying near the communal fireplace, honestly he really didn’t even have anymore comments for that.

“Food’s up bitches!” He hollered, getting the attention and amused looks of the people around him, as Jordan stopped what he was doing to get Hope up, with him running towards his and Emori’s place to make sure he wasn't stuck on Jackson and Miller or Indra duty, because, as they quickly realized, Jackson and Miller were into some very kinky stuff and Indra was even more likely to stab you if you woke her up.

“Emori? Hey baby?” He whispered, as she slowly stirred and woke up.

“Breakfast?” She asked, in such a quiet and sleepy voice that he wanted to hop into bed and cuddle with her.

“Hmm”

“Now?”

“They’ll have our head if we aren’t there.”

“Stupid communal eating”

“You love it.”

“Shut up.”

He offered his hand and pulled her out of bed, walking hand in hand to the main fire.

“Ready to tell them?” She whispered nervously, because as much as she loved them she held onto the fear that with one wrong move they would cast her out like her clan did.

“Hell yeah.” He responded, trying to reassure her, knowing how excited she was last night and hoping that once she told them, it would come back, and hoping she wasn’t just nervous because she was making the biggest mistake of her life.

A voice sounded vaguely like Bellamy in his head shouted “Shut up Murphy!”

She loved him. He knew that. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t sometimes doubt if he is really the best thing for her, because while she was the best thing to ever happen in his life he didn’t know if it went both ways. He knows how easy it is for loved ones to turn their back on you and throw you away.

They sat at the campfire, between an energized Raven who was talking about how the parts they need to fix the rover and build other gadgets might be Becca’s deserted bunker and a quiet Clarke, as she often did get when she was remembering all those that she lost (Madi, Bellamy, Lexa, Abby.) Jordan was sitting across from them, with a growing grin on his face as he saw the ring on Emori’s hand. Knowing that the boy had to keep the secret much longer he would probably explode, and so would Murphy too if he was being honest, he stood up.

“Hey guys?”

Everyone stopped their side conversations and attempts to keep up with Raven and looked towards him, Emori giving him a happy but nervous smile as he held up his hand to help her stand, so they were facing the group together side by side. He gave Emori a quick nod, and she quickly said: “We’re getting married.” and Murphy showed them the ring on her finger.

The result was immediate, Gaia, Ash, Levitt, Octavia, and Jackson giving their congratulations, Niylah talking about ideas for possible wedding ideas, Indra trying to stay stoic (but failing, which was a shock if there ever was one), Miller and Hope nodding at them, Jordan giving a giant thumbs up, Clarke brightening up but staying silent, and Raven looking very, well, confused.

“I thought you were already engaged?” She asked, causing everyone to stop talking.

“Engaged? What are you talking about?” Octavia responded with, everyone becoming confused.

“Murphy proposed to Emori with mind drives on Sanctum.”

Miller whistled, “Damn.”

“We wanted something more official, and mind drives don’t really hold a lot of meaning now anyways.” Murphy responded, getting a bit annoyed about the questions.

“Since when have you ever been official?” Miller snorted.

“It’s Emori, I wanted to do it right since we don’t have to worry about dying tomorrow anymore.”

“Guys! John and I were talking and we want the wedding to be next week.”

Everyone stopped talking then and went into a discussion about how it was going to work, Emori filling Ash and Raven in on their parts and asking the ex-grounders for any ideas to add to the ceremony.

Everyone but Clarke.

Murphy wandered away from the conversation, since he was sure Emori had it handled, organizing was more her thing anyways, and pulled closer to Clarke.

“You okay?” He whispered.

“Yeah.” Well that reassurance sucked, and he told as much.

“Congrats on you and Emori.”

“Yeah thanks. What’s up?”

She stopped drawing, and he looked over to see a well drawn picture of her mom and Madi.

“You miss them.”

“I can’t do this.” She cried, Murphy put her arms around her.

“Do what?”

“Live, like this, with what I’ve done.”

“Hey, hey, we all did bad things.”

“Nobody else almost condemned humanity to extinction.”

“Raven fixed it.”

“But what if she hadn’t”

“But she did.”

“But what if she hadn’t?!”

“Clarke,” he sighed, “what’s this really about?”

“Why don’t you hate me?”

“For what? We all have reasons to hate one-another, you’re gonna have to be more specific.”

“Bellamy.”

He stopped there, and said what he had finally concluded weeks ago after thinking about the circumstances of his best friend’s death a number of time.

“You had to.”

“Did I?”

“You were doing it to protect your daughter. I would have done the same for Emori.”

“It didn’t make a difference did it? They still found out about her! They still hurt her!”

“How were you to know that? You were doing what you thought was right at the time! You had no way of knowing the outcome.”

“You should hate me”

“Character growth.” He responded with a giant smirk on his face that only grew when she started laughing.

“We want you to marry us.” He quietly said, making sure, that at least for the moment, that she wasn’t drowning in guilt.

“Me?”

“Who else?” 

She stopped for a moment, thinking about who knows what before whispering, “You really don’t hate me?”

“For Bellamy? No, someone here was bound to kill him eventually, with the amount of people that tried to kill him, he tried to kill, and actually banged? There was too much drama for it not to happen.”

“Banged?” She asked, with a small shadow of a smile glossing her lips.

“Yeah, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Big Bell was a bit of a Man-Whore”

“Trust me, I noticed.”

“So yeah… Raven, Ash, did you two?”

“What no.”

“Huh, okay, um so Raven, Ash, Emori, me.”

“You?”

“Yeah, when we first landed from the dropship, before things went to hell.”

“I didn’t know either one of you even liked guys.” She stated, not in a rude or condescending way, but more of a “why the fuck didn’t I know this about you?” way.

“Yeah, Bell said a few times that he’s down with screwing guys and girls, although he definitely prefers girls, and I’m fine with any gender honestly, I think it’s called pansexual, I saw something about it when I was in Sanctum in Daniel’s room. Honestly though, is anyone actually straight right now?”

“Huh. And Emori?”

“Threesomes, you know how it is... Look, regardless! Nobody blames you and you need to stop beating yourself up, I know from experience how that turns out.”

He stood up to leave, Clarke grabbing his arm before he could fully turn towards Emori and the others, who had now wandered away from the fire and closer to the shoreline.

“Hey Murphy? Thanks.”

Maybe he was right about character development.


	5. They're finally getting married!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our beloved couple finally gets hitched, with Earthkru planning a wedding post-apocalypse style!

Everyone seemed to be getting really into wedding preparations. Murphy supposed this made sense, after all even though peace was amazing, without a war to fight a lot of people were getting restless. Damn though, who knew Octavia was so into weddings?

Ash, Indra, Niylah, and Gaia had discussed old grounder customs, some of which they worked to put in like the ceremonial braids that the bride wore or the matching tattoos couples got on their skin after the ceremony. Octavia seemed to be taking any time she had to work with Niylah on preparing a nice dress for Emori, since, as he remembered Bellamy telling him once, her mother used to be a seamstress, so they grew up learning those skills.

Raven, Levitt, and Clarke were getting some mystery decorations and other shit he wasn’t allowed to know about set up.

Jordan was working on carving a matching ring for him for the ceremony, and had offered to cook for the after part, which Murphy had to decline since Little Green couldn’t cook for shit.

With the spare time, Murphy had enlisted Jackson, Jordan, Gaia, Miller, and Hope to help collect food to prepare for the after-party, having them collect ingredients for them to make alcohol with and berries so he could work on making a nice dessert for them.

The wedding itself was amazing.

Emori has slept in Ash and Raven’s room the night before, everyone agreeing to separate the two after Clarke’s mention of how the couple wasn’t supposed to see each other the day of the wedding, much to his chagrin.

That morning, Jordan had brought him breakfast and the clothes that Octavia and Niylah prepared for him to wear, a black button up similar to the one he wore on Sanctum, although apparently he had to button it up all the way this time, fuck formality, and some of their least marked black jeans. Ash then came in and painted the design that he and Emori had agreed on, on his right wrist, with white chalk she had come up with.

After all that, finally. Finally. He could leave his hut to go to where Raven, Levitt, and Clarke set up for the ceremony. 

They had set up on the shore like he and Emori had wanted, with flowers they must have collected near where Clarke was standing with Raven and Ash near her, with the logs they sat on to eat moved so there were four people sitting on each side, with a large gap in between. Jordan, Hope, Levitt, and Octavia were on one side, while Niylah, Miller, Indra, and Gaia were on the other.

He walked up to stand next to Raven.

“Nice to see you can do something right for once cockroach.”

“Love you too Reyes.”

It started.

Emori walked in, with Jackson standing by her, they had to choose someone to walk down the aisle and after all he did to keep her alive he was the obvious choice.

She was amazing.

She was wearing a small white dress, one that Niylah and Octavia must have been working on for the past week, and hair was done up in many of the braids that Gaia must have done with small white flowers in it. The markings she wore on her wrist matched his to a T, something he had to thank Ash for later. She was radiant.

How was he so lucky?

Answer: he wasn’t. This was all a dream and he would wake up back on the Ark and his shit hole of a life where no one loved him. For now though, for now he would be happy.

She walked to stand across from him, Jackson taking his seat next to Miller, and they just stared at each other with bright smiles on their faces, couldn’t believe this was happening.

Clarke started.

“We are all gathered here today, to witness and celebrate the loving union between John Murphy and Emori. I think we are all a bit surprised to be here today, but then again you guys were never the most predictable.”

Raven snorted, a bunch of people chucking in the background. He wasn’t listening to any of them though, this was his and Emori’s moment.

“In all honesty though, I have never really seen two people more in love than the two of you. God, we have all changed so much, but something that has never changed, since the moment you two met, was how much you cared for one another. Now, I assume you two prepared something?”

Damn right he did.

“Emori, that day we met in the desert was the best day of my life. The moment you held a goddamn knife to my throat and stole from me, and in that moment I knew you were the one for me. We’ve been through so much, and you taught me how to live. Not just survive. I told you back in the mind space that I would spend a few more hours with you than eternity without, and I stand by that. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Emori was beaming, tears welling in her eyes, and Murphy wouldn't be lying if he said he was doing the same.

“John, you taught me how to love. You gave me a world where I was more than just a freikdrena, a world where I mattered. You are the reason I’m here, the reason I have these friends, this family. John, you gave me a life, and you don’t give yourself enough credit. You are so strong and brave and caring, and I can’t wait to be yours forever.”

Okay, now they were both crying, damn he was pretty sure he even saw Raven crying, although she would probably kill him if he said anything about it. 

“Jordan, the rings?”

Jordan came up to them, rings in hand, having gotten Emori’s before the ceremony, and gave each ring to the other.

“Okay, now I’m going to recite the Trikru bonding rights. John Murphy, will you take and hold her love for all your life, protecting it with all your being and to your last breath?”

“I do.” He said, staring at Emori as she slid the new ring Jordan had made on his finger.

“Emori, will you take and hold his love for all your life, protecting it with all your being and to your last breath?”

“I do.” As he placed her ring back on it’s rightful place.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride.”

And they did.

________________________

The post-wedding party they had was pretty nice, Miller had helped him cook up some fish that Octavia had brought in earlier that day, along with some of Monty’s moonshine that Jordan made and a nice berry jam that he had made. Before they started eating, Raven did a speech she had prepared.

“If someone had told me years ago that I was going to be the best man to John Murphy’s wedding, I would have asked them how many Jobi nuts they had eaten. But right now, nothing seems more right then to see the two of you together. You guys have become my closest friends, god Murphy you’re like my brother and Emori you’re my best friend, my companion. I can’t believe that this is where we ended up, since over a hundred years ago I tried to shoot you after you shot me, but you guys are my family, and I hope you two are so happy together, like you deserve to be.”

Afterwards, Jordan, using an old iPod that Raven believed might have belonged to Jasper over a century ago, put music on to dance to. Emori and him danced for a while, before Ash took over to dance with Emori and Raven pulled him over.

“Want a piece of me now Reyes? It’s a little late.”

“Shut up Murphy,” and they both started dancing similarly to how people would at parties on the Ark.

“I meant it, you know?”

“Huh?” 

“After all this time, I feel like you’re basically my little brother now.”

“Aw Reyes don’t get all sappy on me.”

“Shut up.”

“You got it sis.”

And they danced.  
___________________________

That night, Ash came in with the ink and supplies she needed for the bonding tattoos, the ones that Azgeda used to signify marriage. Emori went first, leaning against him as Ash worked to copy the design that she had painted on their skins earlier, before turning to Murphy’s.

He had never had a tattoo before, not to say he didn’t want one because Jesus, Emori’s was pretty badass, but he had never had the time, and previous experiences had left him a little (a lot) terrified of needles.

Emori held his other arm tightly as Ash did it, speaking in a whisper about their times on Sanctum, in the cave, in Becca’s mansion.

Before he knew it Ash was done, having tuning her out by concentrating only on Emori, his wife, and trying to push back the nausea that accompanied using needles, because while he did run into them a couple months ago back on Sanctum for blood transfers, he wouldn’t lie and say he would choose to do it on an ordinary day, yet here he was, getting a needle stuck in his skin as a way to honor everything he felt towards the love of his life.

When Ash pulled away, he could see the design, albeit red and irritated, on his skin: two stars, distant, with vine-like markings wrapping around them, bringing them together, because wasn’t that the story of them? Ash bandaged him up, and left, giving him and Emori time alone, weighing both the Murphys goodnight.

Both the Murphys.

Damn, Emori Murphy did have a good ring to it.


	6. Murphy is screwed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emori is sick, John is worried, and Jackson has to put up with those two assholes.

The months after the wedding were amazing. Everyone had finally began to settle down after finally creating a stable home for all of them, which after a bit of discussion, it was decided to be named Avalon by none other than Octavia Blake, since Bellamy was a huge nerd when it came to any kind of old literature, including Arthurian legends, and meant some kind of island paradise people were carried to after they died, or something.

Everyone was falling into a bit of a rhythm, and Murphy was sorta just waiting for the other shoe to drop. For another rival clan to come in and fight him. For someone in the group to betray them. For people to come down from space and torture him. 

But nothing like that happened.

So, of course the moment he started to settle into his new life, something would come along to completely overtake it.

“You should go see Jackson.”

Emori had been throwing up constantly for the past week. At first they thought it might have been a result of his cooking, but with no one else throwing up Murphy was starting to worry that it was something beyond that. He couldn’t lose anyone else due to an illness.

“I’m fine John.”

“You said that yesterday.”

“It will go away soon.”

“You said that yesterday too.”

“John.”

“Emori.”

He loved her so much, but her stubbornness was going to kill him at some point. Guess it was karma for him though, he never understood how anyone put up with him. Emori just glared at him, her face softening the longer she started at him.

“This is really bothering you, isn’t it?”

“Emori, I just hate seeing you like this.”

“If I go, will you finally shut up and I can go back to working with Raven?”

Okay. So he had been a bit more overprotective than he would have liked, but in his defense he had had pretty bad experiences with illness in the past, and he was pretty sure people weren’t supposed to be working on any kind of vehicle when they could vomit at any given time.

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, let’s go.”

They walked over to Jackson’s house without a problem, getting him to come over to the med tent that was created a while ago, before he started examining Emori. Taking far too long in an examination for it to simply be food poisoning to Murphy.

“Jackson, what’s going on?”

“Nothing yet, Emori what were your symptoms again?”

“Just throwing up, a bit of nausea, and some headaches.”

“For how long?”

“A few weeks I guess”

“A few weeks?! Emori you said it only started a few days ago!” He said, sort of pissed that she kept this from him.

“I didn’t want you to worry John.”

“Well that fucking worked!”

Jackson broke their bickering with a question that completely threw Murphy for the loop. “When was the last time you menstruated?”

Menstruated?

No.

No, no, no, no.

Murphy may not be incredibly smart when it came to medicine or English, or basically anything that wasn’t surviving, but he knew what basic female biology was, for fucks sake they have so many sex education classes on the Ark for this very reason.

“Jackson, no.”

“John what’s menstruating?” Emori asked, worried by his reaction.

Fuck his life.

Jackson took that question for him, thank God.

“They might have a different term for it in Trig, when was the last time there was blood coming from the vaginal area?”

Damn Jackson, straight to the point.

“Oh! You mean ragjusi?”

“Sure.”

“Uh, not since the first month I’ve been here. I thought it was just a transcendence or nightblood thing.”

Okay, yes, that was a more reasonable explanation.

“I don’t think so, Ash came to Clarke a few weeks ago about supplies for it.”

Fuck.

“Would you mind if I did a blood test?”

“Blood test, Jackson why?”

“Yes Jackson why?” He swears to God if it is for what he is thinking he will-

“I want to do a pregnancy test and we have medical equipment from the Wonkru bunker to test for certain hormones.”

“Pregnant?”

Shit.

This is when everyone growing up speaking the exact same language would come in handy.

“He means growing a child inside you, like Diyoza was.”

“Oh.” And Emori went quiet.

Fuck now he had two things to worry about.

“Can I take your blood Emori?” Jackson said, interrupting the suffocating silence between the two.

She held her arm out to take the blood, but the rest of the appointment was silent.

_________________________

Jackson had said to expect the results to come within a few hours, after he had finished scanning and testing them.

Which left him and Emori to sit quietly in a house for that time, Emori still completely silent since the news and Murphy, for once, being completely out of ways to comfort her, since he had no idea what the crap was going on.

Jackson ended up coming to them, and told them that Emori was around two months pregnant.

Fuck his life.  
_________________________

It wasn’t until later that night that Emori finally broke.

“I can’t be a mother.”

“What do you mean?” Because to Murphy she sounded like the perfect mother, caring, loving, fiercely protective, headstrong.

“I can’t be. I’m going to ruin this child, contaminate it. My parents were right.”

Oh.

Fuck.

“Emori, what your parents did to you and Otan was the biggest mistake of their life. You deserve love, more than anyone I know, and are more than capable of it.”

“Will you leave John?”

Okay, now Murphy was seriously confused.

“What? Why the hell would I do that, I love you, I married you for christ sake! I am never leaving you.”

“You will if it’s like me?”

“What? Smart? Caring? Beautiful? Badass?”

“A freak John.”

Of course this is where she’s coming from. Despite the years of being surrounded by people who loved her and told her just how much she meant to them, she still was stuck believing that she would be cast out because of something she couldn’t control. That their child would be cast out for something they could not control.

“Emori, your hand doesn’t make me love you any less. God, I wouldn’t care if our kid had two heads and a tail, I would love you and it no matter what. Everyone here would.”

“John-”

“I’m the one that’s gonna be a bad father.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m a mess Mori, everything I do I fuck up. And I mean just look, everyone I love ends up dead. My dad. My mom. Mbege. Bellamy. Fuck, even you for a bit. With everything I’ve gone through, everything I’ve done, there is no way I could possibly be a good father.”

“John-”

“I mean for fucks sake! My own mother didn’t love me! I killed my father! With my luck I’m going to turn out just like her!”

“Jesus, John!”

That’s it, she’s leaving him. His miracle life is over. His dream has finally come to an end. She’s gonna slit his throat and ride off into the distance with Raven, while Wanheda dances over his mutilated body.

“You would be an incredible father.”

“You’re wrong.”

“When have I ever been wrong?”

“Just now. I would be crap dad, you heard about my mother. How could I be any better?”

“You care.”

“What?”

“John, you've said yourself that your mother stopped caring after your dad died.” Jesus, way to bring up great memories Wifey™ . “You’re scared, not because you can’t do it but because you think you will fail. But fuck John, I saw what you did back at Sanctum, helping Madi, and Luca, and Jeremiah and his son, kids love you. You’re going to be an amazing father.”

“You don’t believe that.”

“Of course I do!”

“We’re both pretty fucked up though right?”

“Oh hell yes, but we are gonna try our hardest to make sure this kid isn’t, and isn’t that the best we can do?”

And they finally fell asleep peacefully that night, Murphy’s arms wrapped around Emori’s belly, where their child was starting to grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, bet time. I already have the gender and name picked out but I want to see what you guys think. Get some bets started! Please I'm lonely :(


	7. What happened to Spacekru?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spacekru moments... that's mostly it.

Murphy and Emori agreed not to tell everyone at once, like they did with their marriage, due to both wanting to process it and because of the amount of drama right now within their group.

Quick recap for anyone who has been living in a cave or Mount Weather:  
Since the Murphys (God, that feels weird to say!) had gotten married, Hope and Jordan had broken up, or maybe they were never officially together who knows, and there seemed to be something going on between Ash and Hope, since apparently spending five years alone on a planet with each other was bound to do something for their relationship, Clarke had become something of a hermit, after Niylah had moved out to stay with Hope while Indra got her own shelter built, not wanting to spend every single second with her daughter no matter how good their relationship was, and Jordan bunked with Gaia now, who seemed to have zero sexual interest towards the boy.

He was also sure that Niylah and Raven screwed at least once, but who really knows with those two.

So yeah, maybe they didn’t want to tell everyone because everyone was going through their own heartbreak and shit, and he couldn't even fathom telling Clarke after she’d just lost her own daughter.

But Emori had wanted to tell someone.

So, after Ash and Octavia had come back from their duelling, he had made breakfast (cooked deer with a collection of berries on the side), he took the food to a secluded part of camp while Emori got Raven from whatever den she had crawled out of and Ash to be brought there.

Because before Earthkru there was Spacekru

And it was a nice idea that Emori had come up with, wanting to do something nice with their first family while not drawing anymore attention, since due to the drama they had temporarily stopped eating together.

So they sat together on a picnic blanket near the forest, talking and laughing at old memories of the ring or the ground or the Ark. Memories that only they knew, having only told each other. Reminiscing over those who were gone.

Like Bellamy.  
Like Harper.  
Like Monty.

Because, wow, how messed up was it that after everything they went through, there were only four of them left?

“John and I have something we want to tell you.”

Damn, he must have missed a lot if they were already done with breakfast and moving onto this.

He grabbed Emori’s hand, the odd, beautiful, left one and squeezed it.

“Don’t tell me you two are engaged again.”

Wow, okay, fuck you too Raven.

“We both know you’re jealous that the first wedding here wasn’t you and Niylah’s.”

“Shut up Murphy.”

“Wow, is this how siblings show love now sis?”

“What’s going on?” Ash said, cutting off his and Raven’s ongoing banter, which he was totally winning by the way.

Emori looked at him for comfort, and he squeezed her hand tighter, looking into her beautiful brown eyes and nodding. He had told her the word a number of times, since grounders didn’t have a single word to describe pregnancy.

“I am pregnant, am with child.”

They both stopped, looking shocked at the two of them, staring.

“I’m going to be an aunt?” Raven said, cutting through the silence.

“Maybe, depends if you are going to teach our kid destructive tendencies.”

“Oh fuck off Murphy, they’re going to be related to you, they’re already going to have destuctive tendencies.”

“What do you think Ani Ash?” Emori asked, directing towards Ash who had been pretty silent until now.

“Ani?”

“Yeah, you’re our family, our kru, so yeah, Ani.”

Ash’s face bloomed into a smile, “You guys are going to be great parents you know?”

Murphy scoffed, “I don’t know about that.”

“Come on, from what I heard from Indra, Madi and the kids adored you.”

“I’m the coolest uncle, don’t know about great dad. Mori’s going to be awesome though.”

“You’re both going to be,” Raven said, in the tone she had whenever she was tired of his bullshit, “You’ve changed Murph, you would do anything to protect someone you love, your kid definitely included.”

“Or I could be shit like my mom.”

“Or you could be like your dad.”

He couldn’t be though- no one could. His dad, his father, was one of the best men he ever knew. One who loved him, and helped him read, and comforted him when the kids at school were bullying him, and told him stories of Earth, and played with him, and took care of him when he was sick, and stole medicine for him, and died for him.

No one could be as good as Alex Murphy.

But, as he looked at Emori, at his friends, his family, he thought he could try to be.

_____________

The rest of Earthkru found out slowly, telling Jordan one night when the kid was helping him cook (the kid staying away from the fire and only helping him chop up vegetables), Octavia late one night when they were talking about Bellamy in hushed voices, and Emori telling Niylah, Levitt, Indra, Hope, and Miller when they were coming back from the bunker after gathering supplies.

Within a few months, everyone started to come together again, even Clarke who had left her hut to talk to Jackson about the logistics after finding out from Murphy and Emori the day she let them in to visit her. And with that, Emori progressed, her stomach slowly getting bigger, though no less beautiful, and her constant vomiting slowing down, turning into more aches and mood swings, and Raven limiting her in the amount of work she could do with her, not wanting her to injure that baby due to a fall or a tool or a fucking explosion.

The rest of Earthkru had started taking bets on what gender the baby was going to be, with Raven, Octavia, Jordan, Gaia, and Jackson saying a girl and Ash, Levitt, Hope, Niylah, Indra, and Miller saying a boy, Clarke never giving an opinion because despite the pregnancy forcing her out of her cave, she seemed to be even more withdrawn despite everyone’s attempts to speak with her. Maybe because it was bringing up Madi? Fuck that was probably it.

They were in bed one morning, just about to get out to take on the day, when Emori whispered “John.”

Shit was she okay, was the baby okay? Was she leaving him and forcing him to go back to the bunker under Becca’s goddamn bunker? With only the company of a broken TV showing a man’s suicide and the end of the world on repeat.

But she pulled his hand over, placing it on her stomach, and felt something amazing.

The baby kicked.

Their baby kicked.

And in that moment he had never been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know, I certainly didn't, Ani is a grounder was for saying Aunt... at least that's what my online Trigedasleng translator says. Let's get some more guesses in for baby Murphy!


	8. Jackson is a godsend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emori goes into labor and Murphy is seriously thinking about proposing to Jackson after all this.

The world was ending. 

Or maybe it was starting.

Murphy thinks he remembers being taught about an explosion that brought the universe together.

The Big Boom?

Yeah, okay.

The Big Boom was happening.

Emori, Raven, and him had been chilling in the Mechanic Lounge when it happened.

Correction: he had been chilling in the Mechanic Lounge while Raven worked and Emori was fiddling with some tools nearby, still sorta pissed that Raven wouldn’t let her work due to, you know, a human person growing inside her.

Anyways, he had been chilling when Emori suddenly started yelping in pain.

“Emori?”

“I’m fine John, just the kid kicking.” She said, cutting him off and going back to watch Raven work while still seeming to be in pain. But then again, Emori had been in more pain lately due to both her back and the fact that their kid was a little spitfire who couldn’t stop kicking her.

Which was fine of course, until she suddenly cramped up in pain not twenty minutes later.

“Emori!” Raven called out, going next to her while Murphy grabbed her arm.

“I’m fine” She grunted out.

“Emori, we should have Jackson check.” Murphy said, starting to get worried for both his wife and his child, because he knows she is usually not in so much pain.

“John-”

“I’ll get him.” Raven said, exiting the lounge before Emori could say another word in protest.

The pain seemed to subside, a few moments after she left.

“See John? I’m fine.”

“Emori, come on. Either something is wrong or you’re going into labor. Either way we need to make sure you’re okay.”

Jackson came running in with Raven behind him right then.

“I’m fine now Jackson.”

“Emori, can you tell me what the pain was like” He said, sitting down.

As Emori went over the pain, Raven went up to him and whispered “She’s going to be alright.”

“I hate seeing her like this.”

“Right, because you would have been so much better pregnant.”

“She wouldn’t be in as much pain.”

“How long between them?” Jackson asked, cutting off Raven and his lovely sibling bonding time.

“Twenty-ish minutes.”

“Okay, she might be beginning to go into labor. We have time though, so I am going to get the room set up in case she is going into labor. You two stay with her. If it gets worse, like six minutes between come to me. If it stops then this is just a false alarm.”

“I thought you said we had a few more weeks?”

“I am working without any kind of scanner and babies are somewhat unpredictable anyways.”

“Especially a Murphy.” Raven quipped.

“Yeah,” Jackson chuckled, “I’m going to go back, call for Niylah or Miller if it gets worse.”

Jackson nearly ran off, leaving Murphy and Raven with an increasingly worried Emori.

Needless to say it got worse.

A few hours later, Murphy was hollering for Miller to get his ass over here to help Emori. And Miller was too busy helping them (and watching the wonders of the female anatomy) to say anything “witty” in response.

So now, they (and by they he meant him, Raven, a screaming Emori, Jackson, and Clarke who had finally come back, probably after screwing Gaia) were in the med room working to help Emori get settled because, you know, apparently she was going into labor! Honestly, Murphy was in too much shock watching his wife scream to really pay attention to what Jackson and Clarke were doing or what Raven was saying.

At some point though, after what seemed like hours, Jackson said one word.

“Push.”

And his beautiful, brave, amazing, badass wife did.

And she screamed.

It was worse than when she was being burned to cauterize the wound after rubble fell on them.

Worse than when Clarke was preparing to have her test nightblood.

Worse than when Emori literally died.

Because now, now he knew there was no way to bring her back if something went south. And this was the most amount of pain he had ever heard from her. From anyone. Even after listening to Raven scream in her surgery to remove the bullet he shot at her. Even after getting tortured in a grounder prison camp.

He would trade places with her in a heartbeat.

He watched Clarke come over toward the end of the med bed, using her hands to help the baby, their baby, out.

And Emori stopped screaming.

Breathing heavily and sweating she was, but not screaming, as she watched Clarke wrap the baby in a white cloth and bring it over to her to hold, the baby beginning to cry as she did so.

Emori reached out to hold their child, as he watched her eyes brighten just looking at it.

“It’s a girl.” Clarke said, as Jackson went to check Emori and Clarke went to wash her hands.

“Hey princess.” Emori whispered, at their child. Their daughter slowly began to quiet down and he watched Emori smile as their kid opened her eyes, taking in her first look at the world that he doubted she would ever remember. But he would. “John?”

He moved closer to her, and she put her in his, shaking, arms.

She was perfect.

She had Emori’s tanned skin, maybe lighter a shade or two but no doubt her skin, little tufts of dark hair, and bright blue eyes. His eyes he realized.

He didn’t realize he was crying until Raven went closer to him to wrap her arms around him.

“She looks like both of you.”

“Got Emori’s looks”

“Your eyes though doofus.”

“You like my eyes Reyes?”

“Not on you.” She said, before turning around to tell the others he was guessing. And rub into half their faces that she won.

But he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Because right now it was just Emori, him, and his daughter.

“You pick a name yet?” 

And Jackson.

Fucking Jackson.

Godsend Jackson who helped the love of his life, not once, but twice.

Fuck, he was going to owe him forever.

“Yeah.” Emori said, cooing at the little girl in his arms as he leaned to bring her closer to her mother.

“You gonna keep us guessing then?”

Fuck, he kept forgetting Jackson was even here.

“Maybe.” He whispered, when some more of their family came in the room. Ash, following with Raven and Miller on her toes. With Octavia trailing behind.

“Where’s everyone else?”

“Outside. Clarke didn’t want a bunch of people coming in at once. We had to wash our hands like eight times before we could come in.”

“Smart.”

“Can her auntie finally hold her?” Raven asked, arms out.

“Yeah, yeah Reyes. Get over here.” He said, handing their daughter carefully to her and watching as Raven’s face softened as she smiled at the little goblin.

“Murphy isn’t telling us her name.” Jackson said, doing a weird combination of smiling and pouting near Miller.

“We’re just gonna have you call her “baby” until she’s twenty.”

“You really going to leave us hanging man?”

“It’s Alexandria,” Emori said quietly from the bed, although he could tell they were all perking up to hear her. “Alexandria Maybelle Murphy.”

He watched as Octavia did a tearful grin at the middle name, hugging Ash.

He had talked to them both about naming the kid partially after Bellamy, his best friend and brother, and they both had quickly agreed. He didn’t want to seem like an ass and take the chance from Octavia or Ash, but both said that they didn’t want kids any time in the near future and if they did later there was enough Bellamy to go around.

So Maybelle it was.

Emori had ended up being the one to say they should name the kid after his father, the man who had saved and impacted his life more than anyone he’s ever known. The best man he ever knew, and without him getting floated Murphy never would have gotten locked up, or sent to Earth with the 100, or walked to the City of Light with Jaha.

So, they ended up naming their daughter after the two people who truly impacted their lives, one who brought them together, and one who was like a brother to the both of them.

She was perfect, he thought as he watched Raven hold and coo at her.

And in a way it was all thanks to them.


	9. It takes a village

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy is slowly dying from lack of sleep, who knew babies could be so exhausting?

Murphy was tired as fuck.

He honestly felt he was going to drop dead of exhaustion at any given second now.

Why did they have to have a kid?

Oh, right… because she was fucking amazing!

Alexandria, or Andy as people now dubbed her (he was pretty sure Raven started it but he was too tried to murder her) was just a perfect baby.

Perfect if by that he means won’t go the fuck to sleep!

He loves his daughter. More than he has really ever loved anything.

More than he loves himself.

Which was actually a pretty low bar.

But why wouldn’t the little Flaming Assholes in the sky allow him to get more than five goddamn minutes of sleep?!

He was sure Clarke never had this problem with Madi.

Scratch that, he doesn’t want to think about Clarke and her kid, or he might start to feel bad (emotions have been shockingly more easy to succumb to when he hasn’t been getting his goddamn beauty sleep.)

Part of the reason he was so goddamn tired was because he was trying to shovel some of Emori’s responsibility onto himself, since you know she pushed a goddamn child out of something so goddamn small without any anesthesia or pain medication and she was still recovering. So, if he had to stay awake to make sure his daughter went to sleep for a few minutes peacefully without waking Emori or help feed the kid milk that Emori had pumped when he was watching her… so what? Emori didn’t need to know.

Okay, Raven or Bellamy would say this was probably due to his feelings of helpless when she was giving birth and he could do nothing but fucking watch, but maybe he just wanted to help both his daughter and wife for a bit. Family was supposed to help each other right?

So, not sleeping or eating were just sacrifices he had to make for his family.

Just don’t let Emori find out.

__________________

It had been a month since Andy had been born. 

Emori had made a pretty smooth recovery, considering the circumstances, and both remained mostly confined to the hut to watch their daughter.

It was amazing how much she loved Andy.

He doesn’t really ever remember seeing that level of love in his own mother’s eyes, except maybe in incredibly old, buried ones.

But, when he looked at Emori, he knew that was what a mother was supposed to be. 

And he wouldn’t lie and say he loved Andy any less.

Jesus, even if she had inherited a radiation-borne mutation (or badass feature as he liked to call it) he would adore her with all his heart.

He knows why his dad sacrificed himself for him.

Because, he would do anything, even face a firing squad of fucking cultish Discipiles, for his little girl.

________________

Has he said how much he loves Indra?

No?

Well, Indra was a fucking godsend.

And an actual godsend if you considered the Bright Genocidal Trees to be higher beings.

Why you ask?

Because he got to sleep!

Over the three months since Andy had been born, he and Emori had been getting less sleep than he thought a human actually needed to stay alive.

They proved that wrong. Screw you science!

Indra, being a former mother of a baby eons ago as he often forgets, came into their house shortly after Andy’s one month birthday offering to watch her if they needed it.

Jesus, maybe transcendence really did soften up Indra.

Nonetheless, they, after a bit of debating due to their combined stubbornness, relented since they were no good to their daughter dead.

Someone once said it takes a village.

And wasn’t that the truth.

Raven had stopped by multiple times with a crib for their little Gremlin, along with a mobile and some weird looking toy that Andy didn’t seem to understand but loved.

Jordan had told them about different edible plants he had discovered and their potential to be mushy baby food.

Hope had shocked them both and given them a doll-like figure she made, it gave him nightmares but of course his daughter loved it.

Gaia would sometimes help out, bringing them food when they couldn’t go out and telling stories of the Commanders to Andy when Murphy and Emori wanted to relax.

Niylah, Levitt, and Octavia had gifted them a collection of baby clothes and blankets they had found and made, they definitely made the baby clothes since he was sure there wasn’t a Baby Store Depot anywhere near here.

Miller had created a warm fur blanket for the winter that they knew was soon coming, after spending more than a year on Earth again, made from some kind of animal he must have hunted and worked on.

Jackson had been solely responsible for the doctor’s visits they had to check on both Andy and Emori, both of which were doing quite well.

Clarke had actually gone to give them a few drawings she made. Some of them, some of old memories, and some of just beautiful things she had seen on Earth, or the Ark, or Bardo, or Sanctum, or that other planet Raven and the others had gone to.

Family supported one another.

And, as he has come to realize even more, everyone on Avalon was a family.  
_____________________

Time seemed to fly by by the time Andy was six months old. They had slowly started to reorganize themselves to fit the new dynamic, with Murphy taking care of Andy when Emori was with Raven doing techy stuff and Emori taking her when he was cooking, since there had been an incident the last time Andy was in the same area as food he had been preparing.

There had been one change though…

“She’s doing what?” He asked Raven, making sure he heard her right.

“She agreed to be a surrogate for Miller and Jackson. They had been talking about kids since they were in the bunker and now that we have all settled down it seems like a good time.”

“And you’re okay with this?”

“Yeah, and anyways it’s not my choice to make, it’s Niylah’s.”

Niylah and Raven, while their relationship never progressed to anything official like Hope and Ash, had definitely come together following the rebirth of all of them. They could often be seen leaving one-another’s huts since Ash and Hope were always hogging their roommate’s space doing some stuff he hoped Andy wouldn’t do until she was at least twenty.

“Well that’s awesome then, Andy needs more friends. I will take great delight in watching Miller and Jackson be tortured in their first few months.”

“You’re still getting tortured sometimes.”

“Touche sis.”

They sat in silence for a bit, watching Andy as she attempted to crawl over to Raven’s leg, entranced by her brace.

“Have you thought about kids?”

“I don’t know, I’d like to, seeing how you and Emori are with little Belle over there. I want that, but who with? How? I mean, me and Niylah are just a casual thing, I don’t want her to get involved if she’s uncomfortable with it.”

“Regardless of you and Niylah, everyone else is here for you. I mean come on, I would have burned this whole place to the ground if no one had been there to help with Andy.”

“Difficult like her father.”

“Rude.”

“Still though, how? I don’t want to force this on anyone.”

“There are such things as donors Reyes, especially with your not-girlfriend being a surrogate for Jackson and Miller.”

“Yeah, and who would do that?”

“I would.”

She stared at him for a moment in disbelief, “You would?”

“Yeah, don’t get me wrong my heart belongs with Emori, but you deserve happiness. After everything we’ve done, for fucks sake Raven you saved the human race!”

“And Emori would be okay with that?”

“It’s not like I’m going to be infertile anytime soon since the Ark isn’t here to pump us full of hormones so we don’t impregnate the people by touching them. And didn’t you say Jackson had a way to implant the sperm into Niylah without, you know, screwing her?”

“I know… just, you’re serious?”

“Raven, and if you tell anyone this I will gut you, I love you. Emori and I both do. You deserve this, just talk to us when you’re ready.”

Because, he has finally reached a point in his life where he is truly happy and he wishes that everyone else could experience this as well. 

Bellamy. 

Gabriel. 

Abby. 

Emori’s brother.

Finn.

Mbege.

Monty and Harper got their happy ending.

And now they had theirs.

So the least he could do was help Raven get hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst is coming up. I'm so sorry!


	10. Murphy needs therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go on a roadtrip and shit happens.

It wasn’t until three months later, when Andy was nearly ten months old, that everything changed.

Niylah had gotten pregnant as the surrogate mother for Jackson and Miller, who were doing everything they could to help her out along with Emori, who had a pretty rough pregnancy with Andy about a year ago. Raven and Niylah had gotten even closer since then, hanging around each other when they could and even moving in together, since Hope and Ash were more than happy to finally get their own hut.

Clarke was getting more integrated with the group, hanging with Gaia, Ash, Hope, and Octavia when she could and even helped watch Andy a few days, of course her help couldn’t compare to Indra’s who he was shocked to see had taken herself to be something of a guardian or maybe even grandmother for his little princess.

So, of course when everyone was finally happy, something had to come along to ruin it, story of his life honestly.

It had started with Raven talking about going to Becca’s lab for equipment during one of their communal meals, and Jackson seeming to agree since they were severely limited when it came to medical supplies and Becca’s place was choc full of it.

It took less than a week for them to organize a visit to Becca’s lab, which would be days away from their camp near old Polis.

They had decided that Raven and Clarke, since one had technical knowledge and the other had medical knowledge, since they needed to keep a doctor at camp, Octavia, Ash, him, and Indra would go, allowing for back up when it came to anything still on Earth (and him having spent the most time there and been the only one to be inside the bunker from Hell) while everyone else stayed to ensure that their camp continued to run smoothly.

Despite Emori’s original complaints, one of them had to stay behind to take care of Andy, and she had to stay to help Niylah as well, despite Niylah only being a few months pregnant.

So, they were off, back into the great unknown (or very, very old known) all because Raven really wanted to finished touching up the fucking rover.  
___________________________

It was honestly too easy to go there and get the supplies they needed.

That should have been the first hint that something was wrong.

They had gotten to the lab in about a week, trekking through the newly formed forests and the dead zone, which of course brought up old memories of Octavia and some fucking bugs (but he just enjoyed reminsicing about the time his badass wife held a knife to his throat and robbed him.)

The old lake that had been there for them to cross, full of goddamn sea monsters, seemed to have dried up over time so from there they just had to cross through a pit of towering rocks, animals, and dirt to get to the island.

From there they went into Becca’s lab, where Raven and Clarke went off to get the supplies they found, while Indra and Ash scoured the mansion and him and Octavia went into the bunker for anything that could possibly be used.

They ended up getting some weird techy stuff Raven thought was amazing (he had tuned her out by then,) some fuel, a bunch of meds, medical tech that ran on solar power (lucky them,) preservable food that had lasted hundreds of years, and some pretty nice furniture that they could carry. 

From there they loaded it onto a giant wagon they had brought and took off, after spending a nice, pleasant night in a giant ass mansion that reminded him of the Prime Castle in Sanctum.

That’s when everything had gone to shit.

The hike across the now dried up lake took nearly a full day last time, and on the way back they had far more stuff to bring with them, to drag through a pit that was too dark and rot that Murphy thought it had literally came from Hell.

The difficulty was, that the trail they had made just a day ago seemed to have been ruined due to the creepy-ass creatures that lived in this canyon, so they had nominated him (as the most limber at the time since Octavia and Ash had gone to look for possible food) to climb up to see if he could find anything resembling the end of this hell-hole.

He did.

And then, heard screaming as the rock tower he was climbing on began to crumble below him.

Pain.

Black.

Then nothing.  
___________________

He woke up to a world full of blurry figures and noise, feeling numb until he attempted to move which suddenly induced so much pain he screamed.

“Murphy?!”

Was that Raven?

He thinks it’s Raven.

Shit how long has he been out?

Is he dead?

Is Raven dead too then?

“You’re not dead you cockroach.”

Was he speaking out loud?

“Yes dipshit.”

Great.

He was moving somehow, and as he looked around he could see the edges of the wagon which had come to a stop as he continued to get a better idea of his surroundings.

He saw a blonde figure, Clarke? Come up next to him as she leaned down to play doctor likely. 

Fuck he was in pain.

Why was he in pain?

She was asking him questions that he seemed to be answering on his own, was he possessed right now, as he looked for the source of his pain.

He found it the moment he tried to move his right arm.

“Murphy! Stop!” He heard Clarke scream as she went to try and stop the pain that was coming from him barely moving his arm.

“Raven get over here!”

There was shuffling as Raven came forwards to hold him tightly as Clarke pulled back the wrapping around his arm, was she trying to torture him, as looked back at him in pain.

Why the fuck was she in pain?

He was the one dying!

Was this how Emori felt?

Fuck, Emori!

Andy!

Was he leaving his daughter fatherless?

What the hell was going on?

“Indra! Ash! Is there anything for infection?!”

Shit.

It felt like hours before Ash responded.

“Nothing for infection on the ground. What about meds?”

“We didn’t get anything!”

Fuck.

He saw Indra come closer to look at his, likely mangled, arm that was killing him, both literally and metaphorically.

“Clarke, you need to kot em of.” She said, looking at him in a face that made it seem that she was going to be sick.

Indra sick?

Imagine that.

What did she say?

Fuck he was tired.

“Is there anything else we can do?” Raven yelled.

“It’s too mangled and infected. If not he will die.” Clarke responded.

Then they seemed to quiet down. At least for him. And Clarke began barking orders and forcing some needle of something into his arm.

He screamed even more and Clarke worked to tighten something around his arm, and heard someone start a fire.

Or maybe he was just hot.

That seemed more likely.

At least it was until Clarke came back with a knife and her hands and began  
cutting.  
into.  
him.

He felt searing white pain before he blacked out again. Last thoughts being how sorry he was for Andy and Emori. Sorry for leaving them because of his psycho friends.

___________________

Murphy woke up again after what seemed like days later, finally becoming conscious long enough to get a good look at his surroundings (a camp in a forest somewhere) before he grunted in pain, causing Raven to come into the tent he was staying in.

“Took you long enough!” She said, looking so relieved for some reason.

Why?

He remembers falling and pain.

Incredible pain.

What else?

“Where are we?” He said, seeming to be the only thing he could articulate for the moment.

“In some forest a bit away from the dead zone, we had to set up camp until Clarke said we are good to move. You’ve been out for days.”

“What about everyone else?”

“They’re still at Avalon, Ash and Octavia are going back to tell them what’s going on.”

Okay, so Emori and Andy were safe.

“What happened?”

“You don’t remember?” She asked, looking increasingly concerned.

“No I-”

It started to come back, falling off the rocks, getting crushed by rubble as he hit the ground (or was that when the bomb went off in the Wonkru bunker?) 

He was given his answer when he looked to his right arm.

Attempted to look to his right arm.

Because, his shoulder was bandaged but suddenly was cut off, leaving him with a stump of an upper arm.

“Raven?” He whispered, getting nauseous and teared up, if for the pain or the situation he will never know. 

She got closer to him and grasped onto his head, “You’re okay.”

“My arm-”

“I know, I know, it was the only thing Clarke could have done. We were stuck in the pit and after a few days it started to look infected. You would have died.”

But Raven’s logic and explanations seemed to just go through his ears, never reaching his brain, as he started to hyperventilate more and more, before he heard Clarke run in and work to calm him down.

Needless to say they didn’t work.

He blacked out again.  
______________________

He floated around for a bit, getting a combination of dreams and old memories.

Good ones.

Bad ones.

Before he was dreaming of the Ark.

His family’s room in the Ark to be exact.

“You’re pathetic.”

He turned, seeing his mother appear before him, drunk and angry, green eyes (because his eyes were the one thing he kept from his dad) filled with venom and hate.

“You’re useless now John. They’re going to realize that. Sad that it took them so long to figure this out.”

And she was right wasn’t she?

He was always useless, just acting like he could do more, could be better. And now that illusion was gone, because how useful could he be on the ground with only one working arm.

“You’ll kill them, just like you killed your father.”

And he would, wouldn't he?

Because despite Clarke’s admission that everyone she loved dies, the same could apply to him.

His father, his mother, his childhood friend Mbege, Monty, Harper, Bellamy.

He hurt Raven, hurt Clarke, hurt Octavia more times than he could count.

Emori and Andy would die.

Because of him.

And there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Because if he thought he had been useless before, when he was on the Ring with no true talents or anything to offer to the group, then he was a burden now.


	11. Love isn't conditional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy is an angsty boy, Raven is guilty, and Emori isn't taking his shit.

Murphy slowly woke up, pain dulled down to what it was before. Looking around he saw it was the med hut in Avalon.

Avalon?

What the hell happened?

“John?”

He looked to his side to see Emori, looking down at him with tears in her eyes.

“Mori? What happened?”

“You fell.”

Right.

Stupid dried up lake.

Stupid rock towers.

Stupid arm.

Fuck! His arm!

He looked down to see if it had miraculously grown back, seeing if this whole thing was a huge nightmare.

It wasn’t.

He could feel his breathing start to pick up again.

“John? John!”

He couldn’t respond though, looking at where his arm should be, trying to move his fingers.

“Breathe with me baby. Come on!”

It took multiple tries until he was able to at least calm down enough to try and talk to Emori, asking the one question still on his mind.

“Andy?”

“With Indra and Levitt.”

“You should go check on her.”

“John-”

“Emori, please.”

“I’m not leaving you.” She said as she looked at him desperately, like he had almost died.

He didn’t had he?

“Can you check on her, please?”

“I’ll bring her here.”

“Emori, no.”

Now she looked confused, “You don’t want to see your daughter?”

Truthfully he would love to see Alexandria more than anything in the world.

Love to hold his daughter after thinking he might never have the chance.

But could he allow his daughter to see him like this?

Mangled?

More disgusting than usual?

A monster?

Because he was not going to go as far as to burden his own child with his weakness.

Not like his mother did with him.

He turned away from Emori while she stayed in the room, falling asleep after a while only to wake up with Emori still there. Ignoring her completely in order to ensure that she wouldn’t finally have the conversation where she left him to go into a threesome with Ash and Hope.

“Can I talk to Cockroach Senior for a second?” He heard Raven ask, standing in the entrance to the hut, he saw Emori look back at him before slowly nodding, walking out into a slowly darkening outside, damn how long had it been?

“You can’t do this again.” He heard Raven say.

“Do what?” He was exhausted. He wanted to sleep, sleep and wake up to a world where everything was normal again, where he didn’t have a stump as a right arm. Where he wasn’t useless. Where he could actually be there for his family.

“Push her away. We’re here for you.”

“Are you now? To what, sing kumbaya while Emori spoon feeds me from my bed?”  
She blinked at him for a moment, any annoyance she had when she entered the hut going away.

“I get it you know.”

“Get what?”

“Losing something, losing a part of your body and feeling like you are just useless to everyone around you.”

“Do you now?”

“Yeah dipshit, when you shot me.”

Oh fuck.

Way to win an argument Raven.

“I felt like that after I lost my leg, useless, felt like there was nothing I had to offer.”

“Yeah right.”

“Huh?”

“You’re Raven. Leg or not you are a goddamn genius, we wouldn’t have made it all this way without you.”

And wasn’t that the truth?

Because Raven helped rig the dropship to barbeque grounders.

Because Raven helped Clarke in the city of light.

Because Raven got them all to space.

Because Raven saved their asses in Sanctum with the reactor, regardless of what she may think.

Because Raven stopped the shitty Gods of Light from commiting genocide on all of humanity after Clarke fucked up.

What had he done?

Play cockroach?

Try to survive by selling out his friends?

“And the same applies to you Murphy.”

“Yeah right.”

Because there was no way he measured up to Raven, if there was a comparison chart between the two of them his side would be invisible, insignificant, compared to Raven’s.

“You’re not useless Murphy, not then, not now, not ever.”

“You’re wrong.”

Ha! Reyes was wrong!

Rub that in her face while he still can.

Before he gets kicked out of Avalon for being a useless piece of trash.

“We aren’t going to kick you out!”

“Are you a mindreader now too Reyes?”

“No, I just know you well enough. You hid in the Ring because you felt that you were useless, that there was nothing you could do. And I’m telling you now that we need you!”

“Right, sure” He says in disbelief.

Because there was no way a one armed John Murphy could possibly be of use to the union of badasses and geniuses here.

“No, Emori needs you, Andy needs you, I need you, we all need you. This is just a setback. We aren’t losing anyone else! Much less you!”

“Sure, because I’m so important right?”

“Murphy, you idiot, you pumped Ontari’s heart to save Clarke, you helped Monty bring down an oxygenator to keep us alive in space, you started a full out civil war with the convicts, you saved Sanctum. You’re just as much a hero as any one of us!”

“I killed people.”

“We all killed people! Clarke has killed hundreds of people! I helped kill hundreds of people!”

“I shot you.”

“And I brought you to the deadzone, I’m the reason you're like this, so shut the fuck up and listen to me. You can hate me! But we need you! So listen to me for five goddamn seconds so I can keep my brother from doing something stupid!” She yelled, on the verge of tears as she desperately tried to get him to listen.

What-

“Raven! This isn’t your fault!”

“Isn’t it?”

“No! I was stupid, it’s on me! For fucks sake! Reyes come here!”

And she walked up to him and he sat up and used his left arm to pull her into a half hug, her wrapping her arms around him to hold him tightly, as they both started crying.

What a pair huh?

“John?” 

Emori?

He looked up from Raven to see Emori standing back in the entrance, holding Andy as she looked at the two of them and walked closer, sitting down and turning Andy towards him, seeing his daughter’s bright blue eyes light up.

“Hey Ands.” He whispered, pulling away from Raven and using his good arm to brush against Andy’s quickly growing mop of hair.

He pulled his arm to try and hold her, before realizing there was no way he could safely do that with one hand. Emori, being the goddess she was, seemed to recognize the predicament immediately and crawled closer to him until she was sitting in front of him, and he could wrap his arm around her and stare at their child, who had quickly started to make odd gurgling noises upon seeing her father.

They stayed like this for a while, Raven must have creeped away at some point. 

“Go into the left pocket of my jacket.” Emori whispered

What?

He did, taking his left arm off of her shoulder and reaching around into her jacket, feeling something circular and round in there and pulled it out.

It was his ring.

“Raven got it off of you before they did surgery. Thought you’d want it back.”

Because it would have been gone otherwise if she hadn’t, cut off like the tattoo that Ash had done over a year ago on his wrist. 

Because they still wanted him.

Huh.

Wasn’t that odd?

They, the most badass women he had ever met, wanted him, a useless cockroach.

He watched Emori put Andy down for a second, having her roll on the bed, while she turned and grasped the ring from him, putting it on his left hand.

“We make a pair now.” He heard Emori whisper.

“Huh?”

“I have a good right hand and you have a good left one. We finally have a single pair of hands between us.”

Did she just-

He started laughing, Emori’s head turning at him to smirk.

Only Emori could make a joke about his lack of a hand so soon after losing it.

“I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

And even if he didn’t understand it, he knew that they found him worthwhile, and that was enough.


	12. Living for yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy continues to be an angsty boy, Indra has mom™ skills, and Memori has a much needed talk.

It took five days for Murphy to be clear to leave the med hut.

He only knows that because it was five days of absolutely nothing to do and everyone who did come in seemed to be stepping around the issue in such a blatant manner.

When he finally did get out it seemed like business as usual and at the same time like everything had changed.

Due to the fact that he lost his right, or dominant hand since not everyone was a leftie like Clarke, arm, going back to cooking was definitely going to be a struggle at first, so Levitt was enlisted to help him out with that.

Jordan and Raven seemed to have been busy though, and had actually built him something to support Andy so he could hold her if needed, not like he would for much longer considering the fact that the kid was growing like a weed.

Indra had actually started to help him with exercises to strengthen his left arm, considering how much he had relied on his right arm just for every-day activities.

“I’ve seen people deal with this before.” Indra said during one of their sessions, breaking the easy-going silence between the two.

“Have you now?”

“Mae, a young girl in my army, she too lost her arm. Struggled with it at first. Nyko helped heal her, but I? I helped train her. Get her battle ready. She was one of the most renowned soldiers we had, only lost her when she was sent to deal with Azgeda.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“She was a warrior. Died a warrior's death. She was strong, like you.”

“I’m not strong Indra.”

Because he wasn’t.

He was a coward.

A coward who sucked the life out of everyone he came across.

If he was strong he wouldn’t have betrayed the delinquents after being tortured for only three days.  
If he was strong he wouldn’t have tried, and ultimately failed, to kill himself in the bunker.

If he was strong he wouldn’t have let Ontari force him to have sex with her.

If he was strong he could have saved Bellamy.

If he was strong he could have saved Emori the first time around.

He didn’t though.

He failed.

“The strong have scars Murphy, the weak didn’t stay long enough to see the aftermath of their wounds fade. All of this and we lived.”

“I’m down an arm Indra. Doubt that qualifies as a simple scar.”

“Doesn't it? You were hurt and came back from it, to keep going like you’re doing that’s strength.”

“It’s a disadvantage Indra, you of all people should know that.”

“It wasn’t in the end for Mae. Her lack of arm didn’t make her any less of a warrior. Now get back to training.”

And he did.

But despite Indra’s conviction, she was wrong.

Pain like that doesn’t fade.

Not for him anyways.

Everything, the small scars on his neck (the pain he gets sometimes when someone presses on it too hard), the mismatched scars on his torso and back, the disturbing lack of a limb.

It just showed how weak he was underneath.

How despite everything he wasn’t strong enough to prevent such things from happening.

And nobody seemed to realize it.

Except for maybe his mother.

Because nobody hated him like he did except for his mother.

How funny was that though? A depressed drunk was the only one that saw him clearly.

___________________________

He couldn’t keep leading Emori on like this.

Thinking he was some amazing, good, man he was.

Not when it would end up hurting her.

So, he was packing his bags late one night when Emori came home from Raven’s.

“John? What’s going on?”

Andy was being watched by Jordan for the time being, him having volunteered to give them more to to recover.

“I can’t stay here Mori.”

“What? John?” She was starting to tear up, looking around confused, finding it hard to believe that he was leaving her. Leaving them.

“I love you Mori, I love you and Andy more than anything in the world. But I can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what John? Commitment? You’re leaving us! I told you that we would get through this.”

“I can’t Emori! I can’t keep doing this knowing that I’m hurting you!”

“I need you! We need you! Hurting us? What the hell are you talking about?”

“You don’t need me!”

“Of course we do!”

The both seemed to stop for a second, out of breath from the escalating screaming match between the two.

“Nobody needs me Emori.” He whispered, trying to avoid the piercing gaze of his angered and confused wife.

“Andy needs her father John.”

“I can’t hurt her.”

“Hurt her? John-”

“Everyone I love ends up getting hurt. That I won’t have that for her.”

“Bellamy?”

“And my dad. And my mom. And Monty. Harper.”

“They weren’t your fault.”

“You.”

Now Emori looked confused.

“I didn't die John.”

“You did Emori, the only reason you’re here now is because Raven was able to make a deal with those Abby-lookalikes before you died.”

“What about you John?”

“What about me?” This was getting off topic, he was supposed to just pack his bags and leave. Move to the middle of the forest or become a hermit, Clarke must have some tips.

“We don’t talk about it. You were willing to kill youself for me.”

“Of course.”

“John. I don’t want you dying for me. I love you.”

“And I love you.”

“I don’t want someone I love dying! Not for me! You say that I’m the most important thing in the universe but do you not realize it’s the same for me! You are more important to me than anything John! Anything!”

“I shouldn’t be.”

“John-”

“No Emori, I’m a coward. I’m weak. I’m a traitor. I’m useless. And that was before I lost my arm because I was an idiot.”

“None of that is true John. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

“Would a strong person have done what I did with Ontari? Would a strong person fall to the torture like I did with the grounders?”

“John-”

“How can you even look at me! Knowing what I’ve done! Seeing what I’ve done!”

“What you’ve done?! John!”

“Emori I-”

“Take off your shirt” she said, cutting him off.

What?

Was she-

This now?

Huh.

She walked over to him and pulled the shirt that she had helped him put on off of him, stepping back.

“What are we doing exactly Mori?”

She remained silent, staring at him (at his chest?) and she put her right hand forward and traced on the many scars on his chest.

Shit.

He sorta had forgotten about those.

They had been around for so long, so many years, and while he may had been nervous when they first got together about them she never mentioned them in any way, shape or form.

Never.

Until now.

“These don’t make you weak John.”

“They’re ugly.”

“So what? I used to think my hand was disgusting, until you.”

“That’s different Mori.”

“How?”

“Come on, you were born with it. You had no control. All these scars you see, this is just old shit from my past. A past I should have been able to stop.”

“John, this is not your fault. None of this is. It’s a part of you-”

“Come on Emori, don’t give me that. I’m weak. Do you really think I’m worth all that? Don’t you think Andy is worth more than having me as a shitty-ass father?”

“You’re an amazing father John. An amazing person. And the fact that you still can’t see that-”

“I’m a fuck up.”

“No-”

“Have been since I was born. I killed my father. I killed my mother. How do you not think the same will happen to you?”

“John I-”

“Do you know why nobody else calls me John?”

Emori looked at him in surprise, this was something neither of them had ever brought up before. Murphy being called Murphy was as simple as saying the sky was blue, unquestionable.

“My parents called me that. Shit, the last memory I have of my dad was him calling me that. And after he died it stopped, mom would barely even talk to me, and if she did she just yelled “Boy” or something. After they died I stopped being called that, because John was a person worth something. That name was worth something. Not a killer.”

“I’ve always called you John.”

And she had hadn’t she?

Always John, even when she hated his guts after breaking up.

“You made me think I meant something.”

“You do. John, we all know you do.”

“Emori I-”

“You’re brave, and strong, and brilliant. And until you realize that you have everyone here to remind you.”

“Emori-”

“Trust me, will you?”

She was staring at him with tears in her eyes, but her face powerful, daring him to prove her wrong.

She was never truly wrong?

Was she?

“Fine.”  
_____________________________________________________________

After that lovely impromptu family discussion, he noticed a slight change in Avalon.

The world had turned upside down.

Because now Raven. Goddamn Raven Reyes. Was calling him “John.”

He didn’t not like it persay. It was just such an odd change, he can’t remember the last time someone who wasn’t Emori (or a boring-ass adult that thought themselves better than him) called him “John.”

Then Echo started as well, with Hope picking up quickly after.

A now six-month pregnant Niylah and Jordan caught on quickly.

Octavia had walked up to him one day, just saying “Hey John,” and walking away. That little shit.

Indra, Miller, Jackson, Levitt, and Gaia started calling him that as well at some point.

Clarke was actually the first to catch on though. The first day she came out of her cave to check on his arm, or lack of an arm, and called him “John” upon arrival. 

Of course it was fucking Clarke.

And at some point, whether it was when his nephew Dave was born, or when he and Emori were there to help Raven give birth to his goddaughter Stella, damn his genes did make great babies, or when he was the best man for Hope and Echo’s wedding.

Or maybe it was every night he was with Emori.

Every night he watched Andy grow up. Saying her first words “Dadda” a few months after she turned one. Watching her stumble around. Telling her stories of the 100 every night. Watching her at her second, her third birthday.

Maybe it was finding our Emori was pregnant again.

But at some point he had stopped just living for his family and started living for himself as well.

Because, four years after preparing to die for those he loved, he had grown to love himself enough to live.

Because, despite all he thought he knew, he was a goddamn cockroach.

And he was eager to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took two weeks, school had me stressed as well.
> 
> This is the end, I might continue with a sequel later one when life isn't so busy. I hope you liked the ending and didn't think it was too cheesy. I thought in necessary that we finally addressed everything Murphy had been put through in the past seven seasons, from getting tortured to raped (yes, he was raped since consent under threat is not consent) to losing his friends.
> 
> At the end I do reference two new additions to Avalon, Dave and Stella.
> 
> Dave is Miller and Jackson's son, with Niylah as the surrogate, and he's about a year (and change) younger than Andy, and has dark skin with deep brown eyes. He is named after Miller's dad, David Miller, who sacrificed himself at the end of season 4 so his son could live in the bunker.
> 
> Stella is Raven's daughter, who is three years younger than Andy, and had Murphy as a sperm donor for those confused. She's basically Raven's clone with slightly lighter skin.
> 
> I hoped you enjoyed it :)


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